Episode 66: No Limits with Becky Curran Kekula

Transcript

00:03

Welcome to the Push Or Pivot podcast, a podcast that inspires you to trust yourself and the crossroads of life. I'm your host, Thea Charles. As a life coach. I know that when you put fear aside and trust yourself, you'll know when to push through adversity, and when to stop, reassess, and pivot. I believe magic happens whenever a push or pivot story is shared. And that magic is exactly what you'll find here.

00:41

My guest is Becky Curran Kekula. Becky is a public speaker and advocate for disability inclusion on a global scale. She currently serves as a little people of America employment chair, and she's on the board of advisors for the National Center for Disability journalism at Arizona State University. Becky shares how she uses storytelling for positive disability inclusion.

01:09

Welcome Becky to

01:09

the pusher pivot. I am really excited to speak with you today.

01:14

Have you been so excited to be here? I've been doing well, just keeping busy distracted during these crazy times.

01:23

What a different kind of world every time I talk to someone like what a different world every bring something new. Yeah, so I've been, you know, learning up on you. And I know we have ties to Providence. And I'm excited to hear your story like straight from you. So before I started gushing on you, can you tell us a little bit about yourself. And you're so kind.

01:45

Since we are speaking to people through audio, I always like to start off by letting people know that I have dwarfism, I stand four feet tall as a 36 year old adult. And that means that sometimes I'm treated like a child because people don't know how to react when they see someone as an adult at my height. And the reason why people are fearful of like just making, figuring out like whether or not I'm an adult or a child is because there are only 30,000 people with dwarfism in the United States. So when people see me, they have not seen anyone like me before, unless it was in the media. And the media has some negative portrayals of people like me, and it affects kind of how we're treated in society. And that relates to my parents, when I was first born 36 years ago, they had not seen a little person. And then they were welcoming a person with dwarfism into their family. It was scary. And it took them about six months to figure out like what is the future for her daughter. And the best advice that they were given from medical doctor, when I was really young was to treat her like you would anyone else try to raise her just like you would your non disabled average height, older daughter who is three and a half years older than me. And one of the great things that they did was just didn't let anything get in my way. But also were there in case I needed their assistance. So they would let me fall if I needed to learn. But they would also support me if I needed that support. And it was just always a balance. And one thing that they did really well that I don't talk about too often, but should is that they worked very hard to help foster a strong relationship between my sister and I, a lot of families with a child with a disability, do not think about the fact that they are with one child a doctor's appointments all the time and that other child may feel left out. But they would set up arrangements where they would take her on a quote unquote mud bath, so then I wouldn't want to go so they could have that extra time with her. So it was really good because my sister and I have a very good relationship now to be able to foster that. And then I also got the support from my sister throughout my life because of that strong relationship. They helped build the foundation for as strong parents. And we so I had that traditional school experience. I did have some medical complications growing up. So I had some different operations. throughout my years, a lot of people look at me and say you don't have a disability. And I'm proud to identify as part of the disability community because I have had challenges medically, and there are accommodations that I need in everyday life. And I don't want it to be looked at as a bad thing. And if we strengthen the word, I think hopefully there can be more positive reactions in the future, at least for the generation after me. So I went to I chose to go to Providence College in Rhode Island because there was a little person who was in the cafeteria when I went to tour the school. And I thought, Okay, this environment has been exposed to one other little person. I was a marketing major, I had several internship experiences throughout college. And then it was after college where I really hit just kind of hit me that things were going to be different people who were my peers, were going to have a much easier time transitioning into the workforce. And I ended up sending out 1000 resumes and went on 100 interviews. And every time I walked in the door, I was judged based on my appearance. And that was my assumption and my observation, because nobody told me otherwise. And the Americans with Disabilities Act, which was passed almost 30 years ago, basically prevents people from discriminating or they could get in a lot of trouble. But this was all through body language. So people didn't verbally Tell me, they didn't want me to be there. They just were shaking as I was in the room. And I could observe and I think people often assume, because of my stature, and because of the desire or just instinct to treat me like a child, that I'm not observational and do not know exactly what's going on. Right. And that was a challenge. And it took quite a while to transition into my first job as a temporary employee than a full time employee. I was applying the jobs in a very competitive industry, the entertainment industry, because I was trying to change what we see in the media. And then from that point forward, the jobs that I would get more through networking opportunities, and people knew right away that I had dwarfism. So I didn't have to go through the shock factor that I experienced during that initial transition between College and the workforce.

06:44

Yeah. And you bring up a point that I think that that's really important is that biases, don't show up necessarily, like through something verbal. I think a lot of people think that you have to be like, actively discriminating or saying something wrong, but it's often it's just a feeling that you can get from other people from your observation.

07:07

And I think even when people think about like bullying, it's no, I didn't really experience any verbal bullying, even through my childhood, but I did experience those awkward moments of a parent pulling their child towards them because they didn't want them to interact with me. And that almost feels worse than someone going straight into the point and telling you how they feel right away.

07:29

Mm hmm. Yeah, it's like a different form of gaslighting. Okay. Yeah. So, Becky, what? Or I should say, how did you start into motivational speaking?

07:40

Great question. My sister actually wrote a college essay that I found was back in 2011, I was going through some old floppy disks. A lot of people don't even know what these are anymore. But I was able to find her college essay, she wrote some great words about me, and just how strong I was as a secure. And then on that same floppy disk. I also found my junior statement essay that I used to apply to colleges. And it said in it that I always wanted to be a part time motivational speaker, I didn't really map out a plan on how I was going to get there. But in college, I was involved in Toastmasters Club, which helps you improve your public speaking skills. And then I just tried very hard to figure out how to tell my story. And I worried after six and a half years of working in Los Angeles, California, I was still at an assistant level, I kind of gotten my way for a little bit thinking, why would people want to hear my story? I don't really have a career success story yet. But it was my sister that asked me I moved back from Los Angeles to Boston lived at home for a year and a half, back in 2012. And my sister said, My students want to meet you. She's a creative writing teacher, she always talks about me and shares different stories about me with them. And I thought, Okay, well, I need to kind of figure out what my next job career path is. And that's going to kind of get in the way, because I'm just I was just so focused on what's next. What's that full time opportunity that's coming next. So if I just go hang out with your students, like, is that really productive? And then we kind of figured out how to change the mindset of what that experience would be like, why don't I practice sharing my story in front of them. And then I would just try to go to all her different classes, and then started reaching out to different Rotary Clubs, different events where they would be looking for speakers, it was about six months where I had unpaid speaking, which was totally fine because I just needed to get that experience and credibility. And then I had Google the word disability every day just to kind of see different stories out there and I like sharing positive stories through Facebook. In Twitter, of people with all types of disabilities doing things that people don't think are possible. And one of the days I found something about this program called understanding disabilities and reading Massachusetts, and they have this curriculum where in kindergarten through fourth grade, the students are taught different elements of disability. So first grade may be low vision, blindness. Second grade may be deaf, hard of hearing. Third grade may be physical disabilities. And then once they get to middle school, there's a speaker that comes and gives their whole story. And then the kids can ask questions. And I was able to fill in for the person who had just fallen through after that article was published. And they said, What's your eight and I just made a number up, and then became a paid speaker and I went to some little people of America is an organization that supports people with dwarfism around the country in the world. And they have regional meetings every fall in spring, and there was one in the Boston area. And I sat in on a parent's meeting, like I'm not a parent, but I want to see what challenges the students are facing in school. And I was able to get booked for speeches at these different schools where the parents were speaking about where their children were struggling to transition. And one of the pieces of advice that my parents got when I was a young age, from those same doctors who said, try to treat her just like you would her sister was trying to keep her in the same school system. So she'll be around those same people throughout her school career. And it really did prevent any extra potential bullying. But sometimes families can't control that because jobs, to have people in and out of different towns and cities and states. And it just as an adult. Now, I'm kind of realizing that there are things that people can't control if you get a good job offer somewhere. So I was able to go in and speak to the administrators, and then speak to the whole student body, have them ask me the hard questions with the hopes that when that student with dwarfism is transitioning into that middle school, that they're not going to be harassed or bullied, because there's that foundation that I was able to build by letting them ask me the hard questions.

12:24

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13:08

Wow. And it's fabulous. I can imagine what a great resource that was for other people listening to how did that feel as the speaker,

13:17

I always thought about the experience. And my mom would sometimes come with me if they were speeches in the local Boston area. And she was shocked just as much as I was because I was picturing before I even started speaking, I would love to go into a room where kids are laughing and staring and pointing, and then deliver a speech and have them be speechless. And it really became that. And it was so beautiful to see that they had a different perspective. And that's kind of what I tried to teach throughout everyday life. Like Don't worry about those mistakes you've made in the past, especially since you haven't met someone like me before. But let's try to get you to be better in the future. And it was so cool to see that. Because there is that hesitation during the beginning of those presentations like what am I here for? Why are we having these. And then there have been some families who tried to advocate for me to come to their child's school, and they have to fight with the school to say, you have these cloud presentations and you have a budget for those. But what learning really comes out of that versus having a future that is more open minded for my child. Yeah,

14:35

that's really awesome. That's really awesome. It It makes me think of that quote, I guess Maya Angelou, that when you know better, you do better.

14:44

And I think so many people just get so caught up in Oh, I made this mistake in the past. I'm never going to be able to fix it for the future. But I want people to be vulnerable with me and tell me how they handled things in the past and we can work through it so that they're more open minded about doing better in the future?

15:02

Yeah, I love that thought of growth, like growth mindset, like we're here to grow, and not be like, stuck in our past. Wow, thank you. What else should people know?

15:14

I think it's important to just be curious, I did this awesome workshop once I went to some unconscious bias training. And it was very hard, especially when I was working behind the scenes in the entertainment and news media industry, finding an unconscious bias workshop that was specific to understanding the entertainment industry as a whole, because that was the industry where I was working at the time. And there was a great one that I went to is done by this, the perceptions Institute, I believe is what they're called. And the first exercise was go up to someone in this room, who looks nothing like you, and try to find three things you don't have in common. And it was a lot harder than one may think. You can get really specific and say, I have three siblings, or you could just stop it, I have siblings, then you cut that out. And then like, I like the color blue up would get us that. And it was just amazing to think we all assume that we have nothing in common with people who look nothing like us. But we really do. And we don't take the chance to keep an open mind and ask questions and not make assumptions. And that's what I was encourage people to do. Especially in schools, teachers sometimes freak out when I say Ask me anything, but I rather people ask me anything that's on their mind, instead of making an assumption and just going on with that mindset?

16:46

Yeah, I totally agree with that open conversation and talking with people so much better. Cuz everyone creates a story in their mind, right? It's Yeah,

16:56

I was speaking at a networking event once and it was one of those unpaid, trying to get to get the word out experiences. But I had this lady, you asked me a serious question about how she was entering into a family where she was going to have three step sons. And she said, What if I'm out in public with them, and there's someone who looks like you, but it's not as approachable as you are. And that got me and I always think about that moment, because I thought, you're not even giving this person a chance. This is a hypothetical situation. And you're not even given this, giving this person a chance to have a conversation. And if they aren't approachable, and they seem standoffish, they could just not be in a great mood that day, don't assume that they're already not going to be in a good mood and don't want to interact. And I think it's tricky trying to be a representative for the entire community. But at the same time, it's needed. Because I have the same lived experience as every other person. And they may have different preferences and how they want to be treated. And then people try to project that on to, or they assume that that's how I want to be treated if they met that one other person who has no similar lived experience. So I think it's just it's not assuming before you even meet the person, that that's going to be the scenario and everyone's entitled to have a bad day.

18:26

Mm hmm. Yeah. And yeah, yeah. And that's another great point that everyone has different lived experiences, like, no matter who you're looking at, whether it's another little person or someone like me, like, we all have different things that made us who we are, to get to where we are today.

18:46

There's one person who once told me, I had this thing happened to me, but it wasn't as bad as what's happened to you. And my reaction was quick of Hang on a minute. I feel that I was born this way to adapt to adversity in one way, and you were born that way. And just because you don't identify as having a disability challenge is a challenge, like, and we all deal with challenges differently, but it doesn't make any one's challenge worse or better than the others. We all are human beings. And we deserve to be acknowledged for the hard things that we have to go through. percent right.

19:29

Thank you. If you could give someone a piece of advice, what would it be?

19:34

I would say, get out of your own way. I had this experience where I was speaking to a middle school class and this one girl told me that she wanted to be a teacher but her father told her that there are too many teachers out there and the job market is competitive for teachers. She was in sixth grade. She does not need to be having her dreams crushed and there will always be Need for teachers. So I would say, Don't assume that you can't do something. And don't assume that my message only relates to the disability community, it's actually harder for me to speak to the disability community because it's preaching to the choir, I need to speak to those environments where they have no experience with facing adversity, and there's no diversity and get them to keep an open mind about figuring out how to adapt to a world that's not made for you, but not letting that get in the way of your passions and pursuing the career that you want.

20:41

Yeah, wow. And even like, within your own story, not knowing how to start as a speaker and just going in and making up a number, like you don't necessarily know all the steps. But you'll get through.

20:53

And that's what I think everyone wants to know, What is the secret sauce for finding your rate. But it really is just trial and error. You just like, okay, I've been able to get that. Let's see if I can bump it up a little. Let's see. And it's exactly that like just winging, there is no secret. It's just figuring out get your story out there. I started with a blog and Twitter before I did live speaking. And I think it's just building that brand as much as possible, especially during these times where it's harder to book those live speeches. And just you never know, if your story is going to resonate with someone. And it does not matter whether or not you have a disability, you're a person of color, a part of the LGBT community, you're a woman, you're a male. Everyone has a story to tell, and you never know whose story is going to impact someone in the most meaningful way. Yeah.

21:53

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is such a great message. I know everyone can get something from this. This was just really awesome. So Becky, how can people find out more about you?

22:03

I would love for people to reach out, ask questions. Don't make assumptions. My email is Becky motivates@gmail.com. And then my website is Becky motivates Comm. You can see my youtube I have a Pinterest board specific to interviews I've done. I have Twitter, Instagram, all over the place just trying to spread the good word.

22:27

Yes, and you're doing a great job. And this was really awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you. Becky story was all about sharing and honoring your lived experiences. She talked about how unspoken biases are felt, and how we can seek to learn about people outside of our communities. So we can have a mindset of acceptance and inclusion. And I hope that if you heard her words today, and did some self reflection on biases that you've held against any group, you realize that in this moment, you can make a choice to change and widen your worldview. But we know better, we do better. Thank you for listening to the push or pivot podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, hit the subscribe button. And please leave us a review. To learn more about the show and to access the shownotes visit our website, push or pivot.com I'd also love to hear from you. Share your thoughts and takeaways with me on Instagram at pusher pivot. Thank you for listening, and join me next time on the push or pivot podcast.